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Category archives for: Surly & Uncooperative

Mr. ‘I have Allergies and I can’t eat that’ strikes dietary gold just across town!!

So I was forbidden several years ago from writing any more columns about my weird and as some would call it ‘torturous’ workout routines that involve sprints, jogging and walking for several hours in the most severe weather (and, if available, locations) I can find…and doing it all with varying amounts of weights on the end of each wrist so I can simulate carrying heavy things you can’t just go around in public carrying/running with without triggering (no pun intended) a response from the local SWAT guys.

“That’s just weird,” as my lovely bride put it.

‘Looky here yall at what-all I’z been a-doin’

It is SSSOOOooooo amazing how fickle people are.

That’s the nicest word I figured I could get away with here.

Anyway…

I recently got a personal phone call from one of those folks who more than likely knew they were sticking their neck out to talk directly to me.

You know ME… Jack!

Batter up! Your turn! Swing batta batta swing!

So I was sitting in a federal courtroom the other day waiting for the judge to come in and was engaged in a lengthy, meaningful conversation with an attorney.

I mean what else are you supposed to do after getting up at about 3:30 a.m. to prep and make the two-plus-hours drive to a federal courthouse, God knows nobody can use the one nearest you, right?

Smile; someone could be watching you

So there we were, ChrisWorks and I, out on the road, roughing it, delivering the last issue.

It’s amazing the things you find to talk about when you spend 14-16 hours nearly non-stop in a vehicle with the same person.

Time Machines and Wizards: No one gets in to see the Wizard, not no way, not no how

Some folks think that being a work-a-holic means that an individual works a lot.

That’s close but if cigars were to be handed out for one hundred percent accuracy, there would be no nicotine cigars taken off the shelf.

Not contemplating a GoBondMe page, yet

You ever see that movie where that news guy gets a belly full and encourages people to run to the nearest window, throw it open and yell at the top of their lungs, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!”?

I didn’t start this business just to make friends… that seems to have worked well

This is one of those columns that is just as difficult to write because I have so much to say as those times when I couldn’t get a sentient thought to move through my tiny grey cells if I paid them.

Suffice it to say that when I started this business I certainly didn’t do it to make friends.

Friends have an annoying habit of inviting you to parties, cook-outs, weddings, baby showers, dog christenings, etc., etc., etc. and then getting upset when you don’t show up to every stinking event.

So for me, being a workaholic, it wasn’t worth the hassle.

I spy someone looking at me through my phone

It never ceases to amaze me how folks can jump to so many conclusions about things they know very little, if anything, about.

Voter fraud? We proved it right here…!

I am SSSOOoooooooo sick of hearing the back and forth in the news about whether or not there is illegal voting.

For goodness sake people, of course there is illegal voting.

So just when is a raven like a writing desk?

All this crap about the fake news Buzzfeed released with CNN following suit appears to have everybody, their brother, dog, uncle and goldfish on both sides of the issue jumping up and down clamoring their points of view and howling about how this has got to be the most horrible thing that has ever happened to mankind, the political process and journalism in general.

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